how we met - part 3

I decided to write a record of what I remember about my early relationship with Tyler.  I am already forgetting so much, and I want to capture as many of the memories as possible.  I also want my kids to be able to read it, when and if they ever become more curious about it.  I know Tyler would tell it differently, but to me, this is how we met  -

part .5 here
part 1 here
part 2 here



The phone rang as we sat on the couch talking.  I answered it.  It was Tyler.

He called me most nights, to talk to me about his days and listen to mine.  We were kind of together, and kind of apart.  He knew I had spent some time with this boy sitting on my couch, but I don't think he had any worry.  He certainly never seemed to!

We talked for just a few minutes.  When I got off the phone, I turned around to face my friend.  We obviously needed to talk a little bit - I needed to be forthright about...well, I wasn't sure what.  That I was kinda, sorta, maybe dating this other guy?

My friend was great about it.  Happy for us and all that.  I was grateful it wasn't a problem, but it was also a little sad for me to realize how little I had meant to him - how easy it was for him to be fine with it.  

I don't know about you, but I'm shallow that way.  I always liked to know that people liked me.  I loved to know it. And while we were great friends, I knew he had really sort of broken my heart months before.  It opened up a little wound in my heart, the wondering that came, trying to figure out if I had ever been important to him.  The thing is - he had been very important to me!

But, overall, I felt more relief than anything.

I certainly didn't want to be dishonest, and I hadn't been, but I did feel like my feelings for Tyler were getting to a point where I, inside myself, didn't feel comfortable with even the idea of dating anyone else.


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Here's what it is - Tyler was guileless.  Good and sincere and honest.  Flawed, to be sure.  Impulsive and easily discouraged, which worried me.  But all in all so good.  He was open and frank, for better or worse.  I always knew where I stood - I knew when he loved me.  I knew when he was mad at me.  I knew when I didn't live up to his expectations.

There was no flattery or sitting on a pedestal.  That was hard for me.  My pride liked that stuff.  And he could see my flaws crystal clearly.  And he called me on them.

It was so humbling.  So very humbling and hard for me to stick with things.  Not just the lovey-dovey good parts, but the parts where I had to grow and work.


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My time in Provo was some of the very loneliest of my life.  My circumstances made it so hard for me to find friends.  I spent time with people I knew here and there, but they were all busy with school, and there I was day in and day out, not in school and having a beast of a time finding a job.  

My brother and his family lived nearby and I loved to visit them.  I got to babysit for their older two while my sister-in-law was in labor.  Those kids were such a light to me!  

After what seemed like a long time, I finally got a job at a movie rental place.  It was a fun job, and I worked with fun people.  When my roommates moved up for the summer from Tucson, one of my roommates got a job with me.

Meanwhile, Tyler and I called each other most nights and wrote each other -actual real, tangible, in hand letters that arrive in a real metal mailbox.  I loved every little piece of mail I got.  In those super lonely weeks before my roommates moved it, they were the highlight of my days!

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One night, as my roommates were all around doing this and that, Tyler and I talked.  I was finally not lonely.  I was finally comfortable in my job.  I was finally getting used to my life in this new town - going for runs, church on campus, parties and FHE, all of it.

That's when he told me, "You should come back."