Wednesday

I can't help but feel really grateful.





I have pretty much everything I ever wanted. I love my husband (who is employed, another big plus) and wonderful children. I love our home (we just made our first mortgage payment ever. It's official; we're grown ups.) and our yard. I love our trees and our grass and our porch swing. I love that neighbors stop by just about every day, sometimes to chat about irrigation, sometimes to bring us an extra squash or loaf of bread, sometimes to play. I love our lifestyle; calm, relaxed, moment-seizing, centered on the gospel and an appreciation of the beauty of this world that was created on our behalf. I love that we are healthy and strong and able. I love that we have extended family to share our joys and sorrows with.





And then I can't help but feel really ungrateful.





With everything I ever wanted all around me, I still find ways to get grumpy, lose patience, worry about little things, and be selfish. How is that even possible?





And then I can't help but feel really grateful because I have these blessings in my life despite my ingratitude.





Kind of makes me dizzy.




3 comments:

MandaMommy said...

I know what you mean. Dang. Life sure is great isn't it? (Btw, I don't think we're going to be grownups officially for another 8 years or so...)

Real said...

It is bewildering how you (well I)can feel such deep gratitude for so many undeserved blessings and yet still feel unsatisfied like there is more you need or would like to have. I feel both all the time. Actually, I do remember one brief moment when I did feel satiated and perfectly happy for a few months on end and it had to do with my personal scripture study and prayer. As in, doing it faithfully every day. First thing in the morning.

little mama said...

Yeah, my period of time like that was the first few months on the ranch, having a little blissful bubble around our family and the many blessings we had received all at once. It was a wonderful time. And I wonder why I can't quite recapture it, but then I think every phase has to be different or there's no progression. Right?