Today I feel peaceful.
I'm typing with our precious James on my lap, and can I tell you, he looks good. Look past the bandages and tape, and he looks just like any other newborn, getting chubbier cheeks, grunting a little in his sleep. This makes me very, very happy.
I think I'm realizing this may be the easy part. As he grows and develops I think I might be wondering a lot. Wondering if I should be concerned that he hasn't done this yet, or figured out that yet, and what that might mean for him. Wondering if he's just hot, or if this is the beginning of a fever. And if it's a fever, does that mean he has a virus, or is he fighting an infection? Does that mean a visit to the doctor, or more surgery and hospital stays?
So, I'll take today's peace while it lasts. I'll cuddle him and feed him as much as I can. I'll hang on his every grunt and squeek. I'll hold his little hands, and look into his wide eyes. I'll change his diaper a dozen times and delight in it's contents, even.
Because my baby is here, and I get to hold him and care for him, and he gets to grow and live and feel our love. And one day of that will always be better than none.