Today I feel peaceful.

I'm typing with our precious James on my lap, and can I tell you, he looks good. Look past the bandages and tape, and he looks just like any other newborn, getting chubbier cheeks, grunting a little in his sleep. This makes me very, very happy.

I think I'm realizing this may be the easy part. As he grows and develops I think I might be wondering a lot. Wondering if I should be concerned that he hasn't done this yet, or figured out that yet, and what that might mean for him. Wondering if he's just hot, or if this is the beginning of a fever. And if it's a fever, does that mean he has a virus, or is he fighting an infection? Does that mean a visit to the doctor, or more surgery and hospital stays?

So, I'll take today's peace while it lasts. I'll cuddle him and feed him as much as I can. I'll hang on his every grunt and squeek. I'll hold his little hands, and look into his wide eyes. I'll change his diaper a dozen times and delight in it's contents, even.

Because my baby is here, and I get to hold him and care for him, and he gets to grow and live and feel our love. And one day of that will always be better than none.


Unknown said...

katie, you are so good at finding the joy in the moments life gives you! As with any challenge given to us in this life there are up and downs as to how we deal with it... with my life at the moment I remind myself of Mark 9:23. Hopefull this scripture or maybe another one that the Spirit will guide you to find will give you comfort in the moments that are not so peaceful :D

trogonpete said...


Michelle said...

Good for you. Each day is so precious, and you are wise to find peace in that.
I'm grateful your baby is doing so much better!
And I'm happy to have found your blog! :)

Linsey F said...

Oh you make me cry. Thank you for being a great example of finding joy and peace with the blessings the Lord has given us. As well as accepting the challenges a long the way. James is lucky to have you!

Martie said...

Whether joy is to be found in any given situation is up to you. I love that you are willing and able. As the mom of a very special special needs child, let me tell you that you might as well get ready to grow and grow and grow. Because the special children are Heavenly Father's very finest and they bless our lives in amazing ways.

Yesterday Lane said, "I wish I was more like you, Alex" and I said, "If the world was made of people like Alex, there would be no evil. The adversary would cease to exist."

And just now as I was courageously kicking Lane's fanny with my mighty karate and wrestling moves, Alex jumped into the frey and tried to save me. Though of course I don't need saving. Alex is my hero. And I know James is already yours, and always will be. For that reason, I am so, so happy for you.

Martie said...

Do you have photos? :O)

Real said...

I think it's something you'll probably grow into. All those worries--aren't those the kinds of things that all new moms worry about? I sure did! And this is new to you. But you'll gain experience and confidence with time, I'm sure.

And we definitely need photos.

Janalee said...

I bet he's precious and sweet.

Unknown said...

What the frijoles. How do you write so good. That is why I love you!