Tuesday

And That's AN Order.
That'll Be All.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I read it all. It was great. So I thought I'd share in writing a tender moment that probably everyone has already heard. But here goes anyway.

For child #3, I plunged right in with good successful nursing, something that it was a pleasure to return to. Baby #3 was so cooperative in every way, woke when I flipped him over during the day and didn't wake much at night, a big relief after the other two.

We were so tuned into each other that if I thought about him when he was sleeping, he would wake up. So I had to train myself not to think a certain way about him so I could get some sleep.

When he was a month old I got sick with hyperthyroidism, very sick with it. Cutting to the chase, I ended up with a specialist who prescribed a drug that he felt would be harmful to the baby and ordered me to wean him. I was so sick I didn't argue. He gave me 48 hrs to get the task done, after I pleaded for some time to make the transition.

By now Baby #3 was 2 mos old. I cut him off, bottle-fed him, nursed a couple of times to relieve the pressure when it was too great, and declared us done.

But that night I lay awake in deep mourning, and oddly, he did too. We both lay there, in our separate rooms, whimpery and unhappy.

So at dawn I went in and picked him up. I had the medicine in me by then, but not much milk so I wasn't worried about him getting a lethal dose. I held him to my breast and he nursed and we visited and communed in a deep undescribable way. And then we were done.

He knew it and I knew it and we never asked it of each other again. He survived his bottle, I mourned for years then went on to have other lusciously long nursing relationships with 3 more willing children - and we remained just as close, he and I. He understood, I understood, it was just the way things were.

How different things might have been but for that one last assignation in the dark - I'm so glad he was with me in my need that night.

littlemama said...

So sweet. I would have been so sad. And look at what a clear memory it is for you still, all these years later.

AzĂșcar said...

Anon, I hadn't heard it and this memory was incredible. That communion truly was a Communion. I'm a little weepy. Thank you.