tomorrow is a new day

I started to love Emerson when I was in highschool.  I had a notebook that I filled with my favorite thoughts, quotes, poems, and essays.  And Emerson (and Thoreau - gotta love those transcendental thinkers) filled up much of that notebook.  He put into words some of my life-long loves, and confirmed so strongly my faith in the divine origin of the individual - that we are all unique, that we all have beauty and power within us, that we all have talents and gift worth nurturing, that we are spiritual children of Heavenly Parents.

There is such sense and purpose in Emersons' words.  I feel that he and other similar thinkers paved the way, during that special Enlightenment period, for the world to accept and welcome the gospel of Jesus Christ back to the earth in it's entirety - for the gospel to be restored.  He was so close, so right in so many ways, that he was almost prophetic.

After a day like yesterday, I was comforted to read this <<< quote.  (thank goodness for pinterest and inspiration boards and pretty lettering and all that mush.)  Today is a new day.  And I will not be tied down by yesterday, by it's chaos and worries and failures.  I will build a great day out of these hours that lay ahead.  I will be better, and do better.

And that thinking?  The opportunity to move on and change and learn and grow?  It's all available to me, to you, because of the Atonement.  It's a gift freely given, that brings me great joy, and heals my sorrows, if I let it.  I am so grateful.

So, enough with yesterday's nonsense.  It is past, it is gone.  Today is beautiful if I let it be, and will surely bring with it plenty of new nonsense.

always a surprise

So, you know how kids are always surprising us?  How, just when we think we have them all figured out, the show us a facet of themselves that we never would have guessed was there?

That's what Sam just did.  

His entire life I've known a few things about this kid.  He's gentle.  He's thoughtful.  He notices everything, except when he's wrapped up in a game or puzzle and notices nothing.  He loves fun.  And affection.  Yep, he's a sweetheart through and through.

But, just a couple of months ago he threw me for a loop.  I never expected this boy would fall for football the way he has.  In our small, rural town football is big.  Huge.  Lots of kids start playing before they start reading.  Sam's done sports - baseball, soccer, basketball.  He loves them.  And he's pretty good at them - a little distracted, but good.  And then Sam started school, and football is what all his friends play at recess.  

He was hooked.  He didn't "get" it, but he was hooked.  

Can you imagine his happy face when he opened up those two footballs on Christmas morning?  That face you see up there?  That's hours later.  Hours of tossing and catching a football, all inside because of the snow.  Even plenty of time spent cuddling and hugging them!  

So, these kids, we think we know them, think we've helped them find and explore their talents and interests. But, they are these amazing individuals and find their own paths - so different from the ones we thought!  I never would have guessed this sweet kid would go for rough and tumble football.  We have rough and tumble kids.  But, that's not how I'd describe him.  But he sure loves it!

I guess now I probably need to finally get a grip on just how that game is played.  It's always confused (and kinda bored) me.

Our sweet baby James isn't a baby anymore!  Now he's a big brother, with more than a little love for his "baby wewis".  He pays him such attention and takes such great care of him - it's a beautiful thing to see.  Most of the time these days I have Lewis in my arms, nursing, and James taking up whatever of my body space is left.  Like right this very second, I'm nursing the wee one, typing with one hand, James is seated on my left leg and is kicking the computer table (instead of going to bed).  I feel everything like a pretzel, and nothing if not cozy.

I'm trying to soak in every one of these sweet moments, because I know I'm going to blink one of these days a these little ones will be ten, and then another day I'll blink again and they'll be leaving this little house of ours.  I know the cliche, but I don't care - my oldest is well over the halfway point to adulthood, and I still feel like a young new mom, only I'm not!  I'm a mom of 5!  And there's nothing in this world I've ever wanted to do as much as being a mom, so I better enjoy it while I can, right?

Here's what our homeschool day was like today -

Mademoiselle practiced her 0-5 times tables, using this website.  She thinks the games are super fun, but more importantly, I'm noticing her response time is faster after just a few days of using it!  I read some Daisy Dawson to her - another in the series she started to read a few months ago.  She received her spelling words for the week, and copied each twice in her best handwriting.  She did a more careful job than she's been doing recently, and the final product looked great!  This week her words are all family relationship words - mother, father, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc.  Maybe 20 of them?  I didn't count.  We also reviewed a bit of what she's learned about the western states - particularly reviewing states and their capitals.  Some of them are tricky, because while she knows the largest city names in some states (like Portland, Oregon) it's harder to remember the name of a smaller town when it's the capital (like Salem, Oregon).

S.A.M. read Go, Dog, Go to me.  An old standby, and something he pulls out when he knows he needs to read, but isn't super interested.  Fortunately, the fluency of his reading has improved over the year since the first few times he read it to me.  Progress is always great.  He received his spelling words for the week (go, so, grow, slow, mow, bow, etc.) and wrote each twice.  He wasn't in top form today, but at least he appreciates rhyming words, so hopefully some of it was retained!  We intended to do some clock play today, and learn and reinforce his time-telling skills, but we didn't get to it, unfortunately.  Tomorrow!  We also reviewed some of what we learned about the western states this semester.

Together we did two projects -

We tried to break spaghetti into just two pieces.  Did you know it's virtually impossible?  Here's where we got this science project idea.  The kids loved it, and maybe kind of sorta understood a little of the physics behind it.

We also made straw oboes.  It was a little tricky to get a hang of, but so much fun, and all you need is a straw and scissors.  A two minute project that got played with for over a half an hour!  The younger kids really couldn't make them work, but they sure liked pretending - humming into them as loudly as possible!

Other than that, we spent a lot of time outside.  The weather was perfect.  S.A.M. spent a little bit of time try
ing to build a boat in our shed.  Mademoiselle played some piano.  And, of course, every meal is a picnic.  Benefactor spent a few hours on our neighbor's  trampoline, and the afternoon was spent with lots of friends!


(ps - I know I have focusing issues, but I'm still trying to adjust to 100% manual on my camera!)

art : Pollock

And, of course, this could be done on a smaller scale using paint brushes and smaller paper.

  But haven't you ever just wanted to go crazy flinging around paint?  My kids keep asking to do it again, they loved it so much. 

 If you give this project a try, let me know!

a field trip day

Last week we went on a field trip.  My dear friend knows a couple who just opened up a bakery not too far from here, so we piled all the kids into her van and drove over there for the bakery's first full day of business!  The kids loved looking at the treats and deciding what to choose, and we all enjoyed a little tour of their kitchen.  I don't know if you know this, but Mademoiselle wants to have  a bakery.  And not just someday, but preferably now.  She enjoyed looking at their huge fridge, oven, and mixer.  We picked a few donuts and a slice of cheesecake to share, ran around a little in the sun, then headed back to town.

Our kids weren't done playing ( I mean, are they ever?) and, really, we weren't done visiting, so we ended up at the park for a picnic lunch.  The kids played and ate, and I enjoyed my friend and the sunshine. So fun!

We came home to responsibilities.  I did some housework as the kids got on with some schoolwork and chores.

Mads listened to some more Heidi on Librivox and did some math drills on the computer.

S.A.M. read to me and did some math drills.

All in all, a day light on the bookwork, but pretty fun and enjoyable.  The balance of our schooldays have definitely shifted with the generally pleasant weather.  We spend more time outdoors, working, playing, learning.  We spend less time indoors, learning according to a schedule.  It's still there, but much more flexible.  It just seems to change this way naturally as we draw closer to summer. (So, yeah, homeschool kids still have the summer itch!  So do moms.)

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a questioning day

Mads almost always packs a notebook and pen or pencil with her to draw and write about things she notices.

When it comes to our schooling, I tend to go back and forth between two extremes.  There's the list-loving part of me that craves order and schedules and rules and such.  Then there's the part of me that sees the beauty and benefit of independence, curiosity, exploration, and freedom.  Our days tend to fall somewhere in the middle, these days.

With Mademoiselle I noticed a few months ago that the frustration she had left behind when she came home for schooling this year was starting to build back up.  She began resisting the structure and methods I had chosen.  It makes sense.  She's always, and I mean always, been very strong willed.  And one of the many reasons we homeschool is because we think that that's a valuable trait to have, foster, and direct appropriately.  I realized that what she was resisting was not learning, or creativity, or education, but the fact that she had little control over it.  At 9 1/2 she was wanting to take more control over her own learning.

So, I hesitantly let her.  It was hard.  I was so worried about milestones and accomplishments, and it was hard to give up complete control over what was going to fill her mind and when and how and why and everything else.  And for a few weeks, I stayed nervous.  I stayed on her about accomplishing things.  I tried to continue to driver her forward.  And then, somehow, after the freedom of our spring break, we fell into a new way of being.  There are times when she needs me to drive her - she is a nine year old, after all.  But a whole new level of creativity and curiosity has surfaced in her.

The girl who, just a few months ago, protested at our poetry and writing assignments, spent hours today writing a story.  And somewhere in the middle of her time writing she said to me, "I think I can do this.  Maybe one of the things I'll be is a book writer."  ONE of the things she'll be, because she's truly passionate about so many - art, science, baking, music, dancing, bike riding, being a mom, and now writing.  Among so many more. I can't even tell you how many times she told me she hated writing!  And really, the only problem was me, and the way I was going about trying to encourage her.

It's not that I was doing anything wrong a few months ago.  There was nothing so detrimental about it.  She did what I ask.  She learned new things.  She progressed.  But, seriously, what is more valuable to her?  The poem I coached her through writing, with prompts and list and assignments, or the four poems she wrote before breakfast last week just because they came to her?

But holy cow, I don't know how to find balance in all of this.  She's going in amazing directions.  I question if it's really necessary that I "drive" her at all.  And then I think of the long list of things she might not know if I don't instruct and schedule and take charge.  But, then I think about the parts of school that were meaningful to me as a kid.  I can list my favorite school moments - 3rd grade, making Indian drums and dolls while learning about the Iroquois, 4th grade, making a mural about World War 1, 5th grade, making covered wagons while learning about pioneers and the Oregon trail, 10th grade literature discussions, 10th grade building a museum-like exhibit during a special week of school, and 11th grade, political debates in French, no English allowed.

All of those moments were ones in which I had ownership over what I made, did, thought, discovered, created.  They resulted in products I felt gratification in producing, and the process required my own mind, thoughts, problem solving, ideas, trials and failures.  So, part of me thinks the most important things to learn are not necessarily that Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492 or the difference between an equilateral and isosceles triangles.  Don't get me wrong - they are important.  But maybe just maybe what makes a person educated isn't so much what they know, but that they know they have the power and ability to do, try, learn, fail, study, make, discover, and find.

Of course, facts and creativity don't cancel each other out - they are perfectly happy at coexisting.  But one, at the expense of the other - that is where I don't want to fail.  And over the last 4 years, believe me, I have gone around and around in my head about this, read so much, discussed it with anyone who would give me half a chance, and the truth is, I don't have a clue what the best way to foster my children't education is.  I have a sneaking suspicion there is no best way, and that I'll just need to keep doing what I do - ease up on the planning too far ahead, and take each  phase as it comes, preparing myself as best as I can to anticipate my children's ever-changing needs and interests.



I'm curious - what is the happy balance in your family?  How often do you end up re-evaluating what you are doing to foster your children in developing their talents and interests and strengthening their weaknesses?  What do you think is most useful for your children - a strong foundation in factual information, or a variety of experiences in creativity and discovery?

an outside day

Today was the kind of homeschooling day we have when Tyler is around.  It was a mix of lessons and learning and yard work.  A good day, an exhausting day, but the best part was that it was an outside day.

Mademoiselle, S.A.M., Benefactor, and James all helped Tyler throughout the day.  We're putting up some fencing along the north side of our yard.  There were measurements to make, holes to dig, cement to mix, posts to level.

I read some of the USKids History book (from my last homeschool post) to M. and S.  It's history written in the form of personal accounts.  We read about the lost colony of Roanoke, and about an Algonquin tribe and their interactions with the white people.

After we read, M. and I made a loom out of cardboard.  She spent quite a bit of time this morning, and again this evening weaving.  She decided she's making a blanket for her dolls.  We got directions about how to make the loom from the Colonies craft book we used last week to make M. a quill and berry ink.  As she weaved, we talked about what Native American Indians used their homes for - that they were primarily used to sleep in, and that most work was done outdoors, just as she was doing.

M. and I played some soccer, kicking the ball back and forth and still practicing her 3 times tables.  She has to work hard to remember math facts.  It's something I struggled with at her age, but I didn't have the chance to work and work at one thing before moving on to the next.  She has that chance, and I hope it means that math is more meaningful and enjoyable to her as she grows older. (Something I want to mention here is that we take times tables as high as we can, with no arbitrary limit, such as 3 X 12.  My hope is that this increased her feelings of competence and decreases her impression of being limited in her thinking and problem solving.)

S. and I also played soccer, reviewing his counting by twos.  He does math fairly easily mentally, but when we add in the extra physical element, it increased the challenge of it for him.  We added B. in, and tried to help him remember not to grab the ball with his hands.

M. received her spelling words for the week.  It's a little late, but such is our life - we have to be flexible in order to spend time with Tyler.  Our family relationships are a high priority, and when he travels and works the hours he does, we jump on the chance to be with him!  This week she is working on words that contain -ough, and the different sounds -ough can make (oh, oo, uf).  She wrote sentences for each word.

This afternoon we took a trip to the library.  M. and S. road their bikes, and I drove some worn out little boys.  Those kids were fast!  We barely beat them there, and it's a 6 block distance.  I was impressed!  We renewed a few books, and checked out some more for the next couple of weeks.  M. and S. spent a little time on the computers playing Oregon Trail - am I the only one that remembers playing that on huge computers in the school's computer lab in 4th grade?  Let me tell you, that game has come a looooong way since then.

When we got home, S. read a book he got from the library with me.  For longer books we often take turns reading, him a page, me a page.  B. climbed up on the chair with us and enjoyed the story.

I realized when I was getting dinner served that S. missed his other required subject of the day, but I blame that on the distraction of juggling the schooling with the outdoor enjoyment, and a healthy dose of work thrown in there.  Sometimes that happens.  But there is value in learning to work, and work hard.

hard at work, hanging out in post holes

a cold day

Our house was still chilly like it was a snowy morning when we woke up, even though the snow had already melted away.  We all wrapped up in blankets and hunkered down, unable to get going for the day.  We listened to a chapter of the Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling before finally getting ourselves together enough to get on with the day.

Mademoiselle planned her day, and filled it to the brim with projects.  That girl can never have too many science or art projects.  That's the thing about her - she's a doer.  Do, do, do.  Before she got on with projects, though, she had to find out how Heidi was fairing in Frankfurt.  She listened (through LibriVox) and did some touch-typing practice at the same time. She also drilled herself on vocabulary by going to this website and seeing how many grains of rice she could donate by getting the right answer. When she was done with that, she joined me and S.A.M. in what we were doing.

We all played a couple of rounds of SET.  It's a really great game that uses visual and mathematical (although, not strictly numerical) skills.  We all enjoy it, but at times the younger kids get a bit frustrated trying to find sets.  Even so, Benefactor played on my team and even managed to find a set or two.

S.A.M. received his words for the week, and worked on handwriting and spelling in copying them a few times each.  He also read a book to James. He also spent a little bit of time practicing his touch typing.  Mostly, today he spent time playing with his brothers, trying to build something mysterious outside, and just being a boy.

Mademoiselle spent the bulk of her time on her art projects today.  She covered a cardboard box with decorative papers to use in her room to organize supplies.  It turned out really cute!  While she was working on that, I read a chapter of an American Diaries book called Nell Dunne, Ellis Island 1904.  I also read a brief history of Leif Erickson and his discovery of Eastern Canada taken from the Book of the American Colonies, published as part of the Brown Paper School, USKids History book series.  We'll be reading more from this and doing a variety of projects recommended in the book, as well as several taken from American Kids in History: Colonial Days, by David C. King.

Mads found a recipe for blueberry ink, and made some to use in her quill tomorrow. We'll see how she likes it, but hopefully it will work better than the watercolor paints she's been trying to use since last week.  She's excited to write letters using her homemade ink and quill.

Benefactor worked a bit on letters and numbers at his request.  He really wants to better his name writing so that he can have his own library card.  We also played a game of Go Fish with a deck of cards that have colors on them.  He're trying to discern between pink and purple, and remember the word for orange, which seems to just slip his mind!  He loves to be like one of the big kids, doing "school work".


P.S. This weekend I read Elijah of Buxton, by Christopher Paul Curtis. (Recommended to me by my sister-in-law.)  I highly recommend it.  An amazing book, incredibly well written, and incredibly lively.  It's a YA Novel, about a young born-free son of escaped slaves living in a community in Southern Canada.  Enjoyable, vivid, moving.

Today we got everything on our schedule done, plus a little more.

Mademoiselle worked on multiplication review with me, and S.A.M. learned about the terms quarter to, quarter after, and half past.

Mademoiselle got her spelling words for the week, and copied them a few times on her whit board, and S.A.M.  got his and practiced spelling them out loud, then wrote them each down on paper.  Tomorrow they'll each be writing sentences or a story using their words.

Mademoiselle chose to listen to a LibriVox recording instead of reading with me.  She listened to the first chapter of Heidi, by Johanna Spyri, and drew pictures as she listened.  Meanwhile, S.A.M. read the first 17 pages of Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel, by Virginia Lee Burton, to me and Ben.

We did an art project together - marker outlines, filled with oil pastel, and washed with watercolors.  All four kids participated, and it was one of their favorite parts of the day.  Creating something is always rewarding!

We did a couple of science experiments together - we tried to explode a plastic baggy with vinegar and baking soda.  It didn't quite pop, but we had fun playing with it.  We also compared the difference between how damaged popcorn kernels and intact popcorn kernels act when heated.  We talked about the formation of gases, and what happens when gas forms in enclosed spaces.  Mademoiselle also did another project, trying to identify 3 mysterious white powders.  She recorded their various properties, mixed them with water to see how they reacted, and even tasted the.  She got 2 out of three correct, and pretty quickly, but the third I knew she probably wouldn't get since she's not too familiar with it. (they were flour, salt, and corn starch)  She endlessly wants to do chemistry experiments, and I'm getting to the point where my resource (of kitchen supplies) are probably not quite meeting her needs anymore.

We fixed up our double stroller and went for a walk.  Poor Benefactor hurt his foot on Sunday, and though he was doing much better, I knew a long walk on it wouldn't help at all.  He and James rode together, then S.A.M. hopped in towards the end just for fun.  The walk back was great exercise -  slightly uphill the whole way, and pushing the heavy stroller really made my legs feel great.

S.A.M. spent some time on the Classics for Kids website making songs with notes and listening to them.  Mademoiselle and S.A.M. together worked together on some spacial and cause and effect games online, too.

Together we watched an episode of Liberty Kids, a cartoon about pre-Revolutionary America.  Mademoiselle seemed to enjoy it, and get something out of it, but S.A.M. wasn't much into it.  Benefactor love it, though.

It was the kind of day that just feels good, you know?  We got a lot done, but more importantly than that, we were able to do so many things that were engaging and interesting to all of us.  I wish I could do that every day, but the truth is that I just haven't been able to.  I tend to be able to get great days here and there, and normal or very difficult days in between.  But, that's real life, isn't it?

Aside from schoolish work, the kids are blessed to have great friends in the neighborhood, and we had kids running in and out of the house all afternoon.  They had a lot of fun, and headed to bed tired an happy.

One of my very favorite things about having all my kids here all day is that they get to work on their relationships with each other.  Two of my children tend to resist each other, but after days like this, they end up arm in arm for family pray, hugging each other afterwards, and asking to all sleep in the same bed for the night.  There's nothing sweeter to me as a mother than to see my kids like each other, love each other, care for each other, and serve each other.  Does my heart good!

We took a walk this morning.  We all took the same walk - the same route at the same time - but about half-way through the walk I realized just how different the experience was for each of us.

Mademoiselle picked dandelions to make a puffy yellow ball, and took turns pushing James in the stroller.

S.A.M. was fascinated by the road, pointing out all the areas that have been recently patched, and doing things that were tricky or fast on the trike.

Benefactor picked up big rocks and sticks and they all became part of his arsenal.

Baby James was mostly content to ride and watch and relax, and I paid most attention to old abandoned houses, listened to the kids' observations, and tried to get the most exercise possible out of a 12 block walk.

Five different people with five completely different ways of seeing the same things.  All of our interests were equally valid.  All of them are fascinating, to us.  We all gained something out of our individual thoughts and observations.  They matter.  They have value.


I loved seeing how differently each of us thinks.  Mademoiselle loves creation and beauty.  S.A.M. notices how things work, and why they are needed.  Benefactor is brave and feisty.  James is curious and supercute, you know.  And I am the practical and slightly distracted adult.

If Tyler had been with us I know he would have noticed and enjoyed things that I didn't even see.  Probably some wildlife or landscaping or broken law or something, but I don't know.

So, I'm kind of curious, now - what do you notice or care about or pay attention to when you are out on a walk?  Please tell me!

Here's another day in the life of our homeschool.  You can find last weeks' here.

We had a typical  Monday morning over here; lots of cleaning and picking up before starting the day.  Sunday makes our house crazy, what can I say?

M. and I finished Daisy Dawson.  It was a cute little story, and a sweet little magical ending, but nothing amazing.    M. and I practiced her 3 times tables by bouncing a ball back and forth and seeing how high we could get with them without a mistake.  It was fun, and our highest was 72 before a mistake, and we got several rounds of practicing in.  Later in the day, M. and her friend spent hours researching real life princesses around the world.

M. and S. learned about Nevada today (we try to learn about a new state every week).   They independently located it on our US map.  They both colored the Nevada flags, and listened to me read facts and information about Nevada.  S. then narrated some information back to me, and M. wrote 10 interesting facts down on her state map paper.  She had to use her best handwriting.  One "fact" was, "Nevada is famous for being naughty."  Hmm...not exactly what I said, but I guess I'll take it.

S. and I read the rest of a book his Gram gave him for Valentine's Day - First Grade Friends Forever, about a little boy named Sam.  S. did a really great job reading to me.  S. and I reviewed his subtraction facts using flashcards.  S. also did 2 pages in his Handwriting Without Tears book.  He was a little fast, and had to redo a little bit of it.  One thing I try to emphasize is not necessarily the amount of work done, but that everything we do is our very best.  (This is a principle of Charlotte Mason education.)  S.  looked through and read a bit in a book about geography, and loved reading about faults and the Grand Canyon.  He also read about parrots in another book.

B. wanted to do school, too, so S. and B. got out our unit blocks and some cards that had #'s 1-10 on them, and they put the right number of blocks on the right cards.  He loves doing a learning activity every day like the big kids.

It was a fun day!  If you have any questions, please ask in the comments.  I'd love to answer them!

I thought I'd write in short summaries of our homeschooling day.  Sometimes.


Today we started late for 2 reasons - Tyler came home last night from a work trip, so the kids were up a little late spending some time getting dad cuddles, and we had some housework to get done before I could think of moving on with the day.


For science we read a non-fiction book about wild horses and talked about them.   We sat outside in the sun, and the kids played in the dirt making little castles while I read and we talked.  It was so nice to feel the sun on my skin!


We also read 2 chapters of a little fiction book called "Daisy Dawson: On Her Way".  It's a kind of cute little book about a girl who receives the gift of talking to and understanding animals.  The kids are enjoying it.


For art, we made "The Biggest Picture in the World" like Ramona and her dad do in the books (and movie).  The boys had a lot of fun picking things to draw on it.  M. disapproved of their artistic expression and didn't participate.  The girl has standards, you know.


M. started some copywork, which we do for handwriting practice and literary exposure.  She got partway into it and got a little frustrated with her cursive, and decided to get out her Handwriting Without Tears workbook and do some basic letter-forming practice.  She did 2 pages very well.   It's been a long time since she used that book, and we looked through at some of the pages she did then, and talked about the great improvement - the days, weeks, and months of writing HAS paid off.


M. and I also worked on her three times tables.  She's worked on them for only 2 days so far, and today we reviewed them with flashcards.  She loves getting them down fast and then timing herself, but she's not at that point yet.  She still in the figure out and memorize phase.


M. made a new French word of the week poster and decorated it.  This week we are integrating "le bras" into our days.  ("Le bras" means "the arm".)


S.  started on some copywork, too, but then asked to get a cursive handwriting sheet printed out for him.  He's a lefty, and not yet dexterous enough to do cursive regularly, but we printed out a custom sheet of his name, and he spent a lot of time doing his very best job.  It was pretty good, and he was quite pleased.


S. also reviewed time-telling.  We haven't worked on this for awhile, but like just about anything numerical, it didn't matter - it was right there ready in his brain.


B. likes to get in on the school work here and there, and today he wanted to learn some more letters.  He worked on E for Eagle and L for Lion.  He picked them because he likes eagles and lions!  He also practiced writing his name.  I STILL don't know if he's right- or left-handed.  He does everything just as well with both hands, and will trade his writing utensil back and forth at any time.

Sometimes things go wrong. We've all had those times when we've felt like we must be walking around with some kind of target on our back inviting universal forces to teach us a lesson we won't soon forget. Right? Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes.

The last couple of months could have felt that way. There have been heaping helpings of hard moments over here. But there has been something so real and tangible standing between me and overwhelming despair.

I know Heavenly Father loves me.

Me, a stay-at-home mom. Me, a housewife. Me, with no career, no college degree, no salable skill. Me, of imperfect faith, and even less perfect obedience. Me, who takes for granted the many blessings He has showered on me and my family.

I know Heavenly Father loves me because His children here on earth, my spirit siblings, have made sure I know it. They have served and supported me.

I was talking to my lovely cousin-in-law Cody in the Springtime. She was at the tail end of months of physical pain and limitation, during which time she and her family were made somewhat dependant on the service and thoughtfulness of friends and family. She taught me something that experience taught her - to act in service whenever the thought comes.

She and I shared a tendancy to talk ourselves out of service. I don't want to embarass ________. I don't know if this will really help ________. What if _________ doesn't want or need my help? What if it's not a good time? I don't know ________ well enough to know what they need.

I say these things to myself so often when I think of doing something for someone. After talking with Cody I resolved to do better. And I didn't.

But now, after being served in so many meaningful ways, I am again trying to resolve to serve more. To think of other's needs before my own. To bear witness to others, in word and in deed, that Heavenly Father loves them, too.


Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matthew 25:4

I think James looks just like a little baby doll. Like a baby doll, and like his brothers. He is sodangcute!

Before I had kids I had a great theory. I decided I wouldn't call my kids cute. You know, so their self-esteem would be based on things that are real and long-lasting, not ficle and fading.

When I had baby Mademoiselle, the theory went flying out the window. She was too cute, and I had to coo or squeal about the cuteness just about every time I looked at her. She's heard "cute, cute, CUTE!" probably every day of her life. That's like 8,544 times, at least. I thinks the day she realizes she hasn't heard it might be a sad day.

That's what I was trying to avoid. In my child-less wisdom, I thought it would be easier leave my kids ignorant of their cuteness, so there would be no remorse for them if they some day grew out of it. They couldn't miss what they didn't know they had, right?

Oh well. It turns out it was really just easier to succumb to the cuteness and let them deal with the consequences of our indulgence later.

grief and faith

Most of the time I feel pretty great. Capable, energetic, positive. And then something happens, and I feel flooded by stress, guilt, and worry.

A few minutes ago Tyler scratched my back, and it sent me into silent tears. Something about his loving touch made all those emotions that I don't feel 90% of the day come rushing to the surface. This has been happening recently, and it catches me completely off guard.

I think the impact of those eight days ( a pretty short stay, really ), first in the hospital nearby, then in Phoenix Children's Hospital's NICU, is something I haven't really processed yet. I spent the first week home just glad to be here. I think part of me, a very large part of me, was happy to pretend life would just return to normal and I could forget the whole thing never happened.

I can easily look at James in his beautiful wide eyes, and try to coax a fleeting smile from him, and feel like everything is perfect. How can it not be? I mean, he is perfect. He is perfect even though his body isn't perfect. He is a gift of joy and delight.

All that is true. Also true is that as his parent I need to be prepared, educated, and equipped to support him in living his fullest life possible. It's the same goal I have for my other children, but my part in it is different. It's different and unknown, and a large part of it I'll have to figure it out as I go.

Of course, it's okay, probably even good to feel overwhelmed and unsure at times. It helps me recognize the ways in which I need to grow and change. And the tears are good, too, I'm sure. But I don't yet exactly know why.

I do know I have had many trying, even heartbreaking experiences in my life. I have at times felt completely alone, and the only solace I could find was in prayer to my loving Father in Heaven. This last month has not been like that. Our entire family has been uplifted, supported, loved, prayed for, fasted for, encouraged, helped and fed by wonderful, generous, and thoughtful family, friends, and strangers. This means so much to us. I will always be grateful.

We're new to this school stuff.

So, I'm wondering, is 2 hours of homework a night normal for second grade? And, why can't the teachers, bless their hearts, send home any instructions of what these kids are actually supposed to be doing with the assortment of papers and books they bring home? And, does your Kinder ever freak out because you're wrong, you're wrong and teacher SAID and you're lying and now he won't be able to get a treasure from the treasure box because you're wrong?

Just wondering.

I survived irrigation.

Here's how it went down. The neighbors had used all the water they wanted to use when there was still 20 minutes of their time left, and sent the water on through to me early. This is nice, on the one hand, because water is good for plants, right? But, on the other hand, our yard can only hold so much water. When this same thing happened last week, we ended up with a stream of water running down the road because it had overflowed our yard. And that is bad. So, when they sent the water my way, I was worried because I had 1 hour plus and extra 20 minutes of water coming my way, with no real experience in how to manage it, and knowing that if it overflowed again we could risk losing our water rights.

What's a girl to do, I ask you?

But, I was a champ. I did it. I managed the water, slowing flow here, redirecting it there, stopping and starting it through that area. (The reason our yard takes more than the average attention during irrigation is because it is woefully un-level. We can't bear to dig up a yard of beautiful grass just yet, so that's a project that will be waiting until fall.) And it didn't overflow.

But, whoo boy, it did wear me out.

Here's the crazy thing that happened, because there is ALWAYS a crazy thing that happens, right?

The neighbor's granddaughter wanted to come into our yard to play in the water and mud with our kids. Great! But, as she came through the fence, she let one of their 4 dogs into the yard. No biggee! Except no adult saw it happen, including me. The dog bounded into our yard, through the very muddy and wet grape area, straight across the driveway and right into our back door! Not good! There are muddy doggie footprints everywhere. Everywhere.

Eventually, the kids herded her out of the house and back into her own yard.

So, irrigation mastered. I just hope I don't have to end up doing a mid-nighter all alone anytime soon!

Just as Tyler was walking out of the door yesterday for a 3 day work camping trip thing, I got our call with this weeks' irrigation time. Today at 12:30 pm.

Here's the thing - Tyler is the big boss man when it comes to irrigation. He knows how it works, he's the one out there directing and re-directing the water. Mostly I just stand there and say supportive stuff, and watch the kids get covered in mud and grass. And look cute. But I hardly need mention that.

And now Tyler is gone for our irrigation time, and if we had found out just 15 minutes earlier he could have a least walked me through it. But, no. I'm on my own. But I'll get by with a little help from our neighbors, right?

Wish me luck.

1) I call Mademoiselle "My Darlin'". And every once in awhile I start singing "Oh My Darlin'", and I get about that far, and she starts crying. Once, years ago, I sang more of the song, and she thought it was the saddest thing ever, and now she just can't handle it. And sometimes, for a splist second, I forget.


2) One of these days we will go down to Tucson for a visit and come back and the kids will NOT get sick.


3) Speaking of songs, I keep singing "And the green grass grows all around, all around, and the green grass grows all around" because it does. And I've never lived like this before. And I love it.


4) This morning Mademoiselle and I made The Worlds' Most Disgusting Smoothie Ever. It had an entire fresh pineapple in it. What a waste. I actually poured it down the sink instead of choking it down. That's a first.


5) The apples are growing. The cherries are not. The garden is almost all planted. Just thought you should know.


Bonus #6) Tyler came back from a day-long fishing trip with lots of fish tales and some dirty clothes. I washed them, and they stank. Tyler and I were confused. I left them over the weekend while we were gone. We came home and they stank worse. I opened the washer to run them through again, and it stank. I looked through the ins and outs of the washer and found crawdad shells. I took them to Tyler. He laughed and confessed he had forgotten 2 crawdads were in his pockets. But I love that when I went through his pockets more thoroughly (gotta love cargos with lots of hidden pockets) I found rope, fish hooks, rocks, pine needles and more. So much like an adventurous little boy hoarding his treasures.